A funny old game?

Football is a bizarre hobby.  The commitment it evokes from its followers is as such that many fans would be wiping rage induced foam from their mouth just at my suggestion that it is a “hobby” at all.  For a significant number of people it is not just a hobby, but a way of life.  Legendary Liverpool manager Bill Shankley once said “Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude.  I can assure you, it is much, much more important than that.”

There is no form of entertainment like football.  Andrew Lloyd Webber fans don’t beat up Leonard Bernstein fans if they come across them in the West End, Coronation St has never started a riot, nobody has rearranged their wedding because it clashed with the release of the latest World of Warcraft game.  Popular music can be tribalist at times (think The Beatles v. The Stones, Mods v. Rockers, etc), but this often artificially created rivalry pales in significance to that of football.

Now, I like to consider myself a practical man.  Someone who is able to stand back and see the bigger picture, take a scientific approach.  Art though, has its own rules and yes, I am including sport as art.

Football is a mess of contradictions.  We pay high entrance fees and TV subscription rates to watch a bunch of millionaires, made wealthy from the money out of our pockets.  The footballers themselves are often not just wealthy, but vulgar with it.  Smashing up sports cars like they are toys, getting in to fights outside clubs, and sexually using and abusing women like disposable play things.

The lifestyle our financial contributions are helping to fund is often morally repugnant to even the most open minded of individuals.  Yet, it is amazing what football fans are willing to ignore.  Accusations of rape, racist abuse, and so much more are put to one side when cheering on your team.  Paolo Di Canio has just been announced as the new manager of Sunderland, and his history as a proud fascist has fuelled anger at this appointment.  And yet we all know that if he wins a few games whilst in charge, the vast majority of fans will forget all this.  In no way am I suggesting Sunderland fans are less morally or ethically sound than any other football fan, because this would be the outcome at any football club.

And yet, somehow, football has me.  Completely.

I have experienced football in two very different spheres.  On the one hand there is my first love in football, the most highly supported team in the world and, by the very nature of football, therefore the most hated as well: Manchester United.

This was bestowed by my family, as is often the case.  Unusually maybe, this inheritance was in no way forced, or even assumed.  As a child I hated all sport, as it seemed that it’s only reason for existing was for my Father to deny me the chance to watch cartoons on TV.  Sport just got in the way.  And yet, by the time I was 10, I felt like I might be missing out on something.  Perhaps these were the first stirrings of the adolescent need to conform.  I don’t remember.  I was 10!

So I adopted my Mothers team.  As it is from my Mothers side, there was never any pressure from within my family that this is something I had to do.  Nurturing and caring, my mother would never have pressured me in to doing anything I didn’t want to do.  My dad was neutral on the issue, as he has always insisted that he supports both City and United (to put this in to a historical context, imagine the effect of making a lovely cup of tea, and alternating between taking careful sips of it and then dipping your knackers in it).

So I decided I was going to like football, because it was just something you should do.  Like drinking beer, the taste at first may seem bitter, yet it gives way to intoxication.  That year United won the very first premiership trophy, their first league trophy in 26 years.  With such an excellent sense of timing, you can understand why I would eventually decide to become a comedian!

Of course it would be expected of many that I would support Manchester United due to where I was brought up in Manchester.  South Manchester.  Very south Manchester.  Ok... Dorset.

Eventually though the pull of my local team had its effect, and I eventually started to go and see AFC Bournemouth.  Many died-in-the-wool football fans will insist you should support your local team, but there genuinely was not a pull for me when I was growing up.  Existing in the third tier of league football, I didn’t know any friends at school who were Bournemouth fans.  I only went the first time because United legend Mark Hughes was playing for Southampton there in a friendly.  But that summer I started to go to every home match.  At the time I was just 16, and thanks to my first summer job I had the money and the independence for the first time to go to football by myself.

This was a very different kind of football to that seen at Old Trafford.  Up front was Steve Fletcher.  A striker who might score 10 goals a season if he played particularly well.  Used as a target man, if he didn’t win the ball in the air he would make sure he elbowed the defender instead.  A player with little finesse, skill, and certainly no pace.  Over time though I would come to accept that this man is a legend.  And I do mean that in the present tense because he still plays for Bournemouth now, at the age of 40 (Ryan Giggs eat your heart out!).

Such a legend, in fact, that one of the three stands at our ground, Dean Court, is named after him.  That’s right – three stands.  Any fans of rectangles out there will know that they invariably have four sides, and yet we only have three sides to our ground.  Three fully seated stands, and a car park.  This was not the world’s first “drive in” football ground as you may think.  No, we didn’t build a forth stand because we couldn’t afford to.

This is because Bournemouth has been paupers for years, a club constantly under threat of administration.  But now, as the universe has been engulfed by financial despair, the cosmos has been turned seemingly on its head because Bournemouth now has money.  In fact, we’re one of the highest invested in teams in the league which is, frankly, mad!

We have a strong squad and a great manager in Eddie Howe.  Maybe in the coming years 10,000s will flock to see the mighty Cherries, but for now at least we can still be assured of that “authentic” league football experience of flocking in our 100s to places like Bury.  Grounds so low in attendance that when you arrive you are not given a seat number, merely allowed entrance to an entire stand and told to “sit where you like”.  Compare that to trying to get tickets to Old Trafford, and you will understand what I mean when I say that I have experienced football at both ends of the spectrum.  Even then, whether it’s Old Trafford or Dean Court, and taking in to account all the myriad contradictions inherent in football, it is still a thrill to experience the beautiful game!

So I voted... what now?

Well, wasn't Sunday evening fun? Oh yes indeedy. Having to wait up until 2.30am until you finally get the result in that that odious "human" shit Griffin has been elected to the European parliament. Yep, that was certainly worth waiting up for. This of course means that even at 2.30am you can't sleep, so that you really feel great in the morning.

Even though I could have fallen asleep as soon as I got in from work later that day, I was still able to force myself to go to the demo in Picaddilly gardens. Despite the fact that it had only been called the day before there were many hundreds of people there. The crowd was young, angry. Through out the demo and the speakers you could feel the sense of urgency in this demo. People wanted to do something. The following day there was a organising meeting for Unite Against Fascism with about 100 in attendance. The numbers were so great that we struggled to get everyone in, even with people sat on the floor and window sills. "This movement is going to need a bigger room," I remarked to a friend.

The level of protest against Nick Griffin has not let up for a moment. He desperately wants to be seen as a normal, respectable politician, and he thinks that his election will do this for him. He is wrong. He is still the same Nazi scumbag he was before, and we're not going to let him forget it. Griffin has said himself that one of the most damaging things to his party is when people call him a Nazi. it so important that we do this as loudly and as publically as we can, because it doesn't come from the media who prefer meaningless terms like "far right," or understating terms like "racist."

To be fair to the media, recent times has seen as good a response against the BNP as I can ever remember seeing before. The Manchester Evening News has been excellent, carrying stories exposing them every day. The same with the Mirror. I even looked through the Sun today, and they carried stories saying what Britain would look like with the BNP in charge, including the picture of the England football team with the non white players blanked out.

I have heard complaints from some that the tactics of anti-fascists play into the hands of the Nazi's. This argument you hear time and again, but it simply isn't true. For whatever level of sympathy Griffin can gain for himself by saying he isn't being treated fairly, is nothing compared to the effect we have in refusing him the platform to appear like a normal politician. Normal politicians may occasionally get hit with an egg, but not every single day they make a public appearance!

And as Weyman Bennett said yesterday, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs (If anyone wants to know how to make a Nazi omelette by the way, that's where you only use the egg whites).

Some say that by throwing eggs at him, the anti-fascists are showing themselves as being no better than they are. Pardon? Hmm... maybe I'm wrong. Were 6 million Jews egged by the Nazi's? Even Griffin wouldn't go that far, and he's a convicted Holocaust denier.

No, the fascists show themselves up as the thugs they are, an example being the protest outside Westminster where a woman protester was punched in the face and knocked to the ground by one of Griffins goons. This movement shows incredible discipline when facing the fascists. Did we beat Griffin up when he tried to get into Manchester town hall on Sunday? No, we just denied him the way in of the normal politician, and then he ran away.

They shall not pass, and we will stop them through the building of a mass movement.


And I'm not too scared about life in Britain right now. Fighting against the Nazi's should never be considered an automatic thing (how on earth did we let the scumbags get 55 councillors nationwide??), but we have a great movement to fight them. Also, the new series of Big Brother has been on but it was only today, and only once, that I've heard it being discussed.

And I've heard it might be cancelled because PEOPLE HAVE STOPPED WATCHING IT!! If this is true, and we have life without Big Brother, then I'm proud to British! Although we cannot stop fighting until Britain's got Talent is off the air as well! Brothers and Sisters, Unite!!

Seriously though, I can't be the only one sickened by this parading of deluded individuals, including the genuinely mentally ill. What the hell is going on? Voting in this country starts to resemble the 1930's, and our entertainment has gone back to the Victorian age!

Hey, you know what?... I feel a little better now. I've got such a level of confidence in the anti-fascist movement that I've been able to go back to pointless grumbling about what's on TV. Which is strangely comforting, it must be said.

Stop the BNP! But what else?

The European elections are coming up and I will of course be voting, but only because of the need to vote against the BNP. The Nazi's were in a stronger position than at the last elections up to a few months ago anyway, but with the scandal revolving around MP's expenses the potential they have has risen. Public disgust over this issue has turned people off from supporting the mainstream parties more than ever. A scandal against Labour may ordinarily be to the gain of the Tories, but all 3 of the main political parties have been tarnished by this issue.

Thankfully there has been concerted effort in campaigning against the BNP by Unite Against Fascism and Hope not Hate, and the danger the BNP pose is being taken seriously. It is getting a lot of attention in the press about the need for people to get out and vote to stop the BNP. It is also being taken up as a serious issue more than ever by the other political parties, who are stating more than ever before their opposition to the BNP.

This is to be welcomed of course, but it does also bring up some other issues of concern. This can be summed up by an advert I saw today in the Metro from the Green party that explained that you had to vote for them to keep the BNP out, as it was between the 2 of them who could get the last Euro seat in the northwest. The entire emphasise was put on voting for them to keep the BNP out. Not on climate change, peace issues, better cleaner public transport. Not on any issues of policy at all. It was just about voting against the BNP.

The ad also had testimony from people like Salma Yaqoob from Respect and Mark Thomas backing them in the northwest, the intention clearly to attract a wider liberal and radical left audience. Essentially this was the point of the advert, to get to that layer of people who will be voting to stop the BNP, but have no party affiliations. I find it worrying that in a time when the field is more open than possibly ever before to fringe parties, and therefore more opportunity for left wing parties, that campaigning is being boiled down to simply offering yourself as a tactical vote.

Don't get me wrong, it is definitely a good thing that parties state their opposition to the BNP, and say why they are an alternative to the main parties instead of them. But it can't be the only reason they put forward for why they are an alternative.

This is on my mind because it brings up a personal question of who I should vote for in the European elections. I will definitely vote, ao I always would if the Nazi's are standing, but I would still like have something that I want to vote for. I think it basically comes down to the Green party or No to EU. No to EU is a more leftwing campaign, and was initiated by unions. But then the Green party may well be right in saying that they're the most likely to stop the BNP in the northwest, as they would expect more votes. I hadn't heard of No to EU until 2 weeks ago, and I'm not sure they have a campaign that will amount to anything outside of London. The Green's do stand for a number of good issues, I just wish they would talk about them more and actually try to connect with people and get them involved in those campaigns.