Like a hole in the head

Some teeth, earlier

Last week I went to the dentists for the first time in over 10 years.  Needless to say, I was nervous.

Nerves are not the reason I hadn't been for so long by the way.  I'm not generally an anxious patient, particularly when it comes to the dentist.  I used to go regularly when I was a kid right through my time at Uni, and every time I went I was told how good my teeth were and never received any treatment.

That was the problem.  I haven't gone in so long because each time I did go, before I even had time to get comfy in the chair I was being sent on my way with oral praise ringing in my ears (by oral I don't mean spoken, although it was, I mean it was about... never mind... ).

This meant going to the dentist was nothing to fear, so it wasn't a big deal.  As such, as an adult, I didn't bother going.  I never even registered with a dentist all the time I've lived up north.

At the same time though, lets not pretend that my sheer laziness hasn't played a role in this as well.  There are many very important things in my life that don't get done because I can't be arsed.  If I got bitten by a Black Widow spider in my living room and the serum was in the fridge, I'd still wait until the end of Coronation St to go and get it.  And I don't even like Coronation St.

Clearly, as a child, my Mother took the responsibility.  As an adult, that passed to, unfortunately, me.  Have you met me?

However, I now live with Sally.  Regular readers will know she is the nice lady who makes me coffee in the morning, puts morale boosting notes in my lunch (as in, in the bag, not as a sandwich filling), and even recently taught me how to ride a bike (as detailed here).

You would have thought Jesus' CV would mean he could
get a better job than a dental assistant, but there you go

She also decided that my health was actually important.  Who knew?

And yes, unusually for me, I was a bit scared.  It had been that long, who knows what was wrong with my teeth.  I hadn't been in any pain at all, but still, what would he find?  Perhaps my molars were packed with Ebola.

But still, I did go.  The staff were all very pleasant and the experience was fine.  Until the end when he explained I needed a filling.  After a decade of wilful dental absenteeism, I suppose I got off lightly.  All the same, this was my first one ever.

So this morning I've been back and had it done.  My favourite bit was when he said "I'll be doing some drilling, do you want injections for anaesthetic?"  WHO WOULD SAY NO??

I know some people are afraid of needles but he was going to drill in to my head, and I had the choice of whether to just go ahead and feel it all OR NOT!

Needless to say I said yes, and very bloody quickly too.  As such I felt nothing apart from the vibration of various things in my mouth (and no, I've never said that in any other context before).

It all took under half an hour in total and cost £32.  I only mention that for any American readers.  Apparently, they would be looking at $250+.  Well, anything less would be COMMUNISM wouldn't it?

Filling done, the dentist said that otherwise I had excellent teeth.  Jolly good, I can leave it another 10 years then, right?

The Edinburgh Festival Experience

6am at the Edinburgh festival

In my opinion Edinburgh is one of the most beautiful cities in the UK.  I say the UK, that could well change with the referendum in September of course.  Can the Scottish really turn down the chance to never have Tories rule them again?  I know I couldn't.

Part of the Union or not it’s a city that drips with beautiful architecture and culture.  But it’s also a challenge.  I have never visited somewhere before where you could walk for hours and always appear to be going uphill.  I'm not used to following directions to get to a destination and find that a left turn is impossible because the road I want is actually underneath the road I am on.  It is like Edinburgh was designed by two people, then they just stuck one map on top of the other and got on with it.

But in other ways Edinburgh really helps pack in the experience for you.  Have you ever been somewhere and wondered what it would look like at other times of the year, what impact the other seasons would have on the landscape?  Well that’s not a problem with Edinburgh because you will get the weather of every single season in just one day!

Being a child #1 - Haggis, neeps and titties

All this is exacerbated during the Fringe, as you have to traipse around the venues all day throughout the City centre (and as far as Leith and Haymarket to see shows by people conned in to thinking they had been booked in to a workable venue).  Outside weather ranging from downpours to heat waves just minutes apart, then into rooms which are stuffy and airless.  Make no mistake, during the biggest arts festival in the world, condensation is King.

The rooms for the shows themselves rarely help.  There are a number of spaces I have seen shows that are considered great rooms, but outside of Edinburgh the thought of putting on a show in these places would be considered mad.

Last year I did a solo stand up show for a week at 1am on the top deck of a bus.  No, really.  Only in Edinburgh would they spray paint a bus, park it in a courtyard, and call it a venue.  But, and this is the kicker, as Edinburgh festival venues go, this was pretty good!  Even at that stupid time I managed to fill it each night.  Yes, my face on posters can fill buses – now there’s an odd boast!

Flyering for your own solo show at midnight can be a lonely experience, I don’t think anyone would be surprised to hear.  Thankfully for me I have the antidote in that each time I am in Edinburgh I am performing as part of ComedySportz, a competitive improvised comedy show, with an entire troupe of my closest friends.  Unlike with stand up, here I am not on my own, and in fact have a number of people around me who have my back.  It does make all the difference.

With ComedySportz in a lovely Edinburgh dungeon

This year I only came up for a few days with these guys, and whilst performing with ComedySportz I was otherwise not performing, but instead watching shows.  My girlfriend Sally came with me so I could attempt the tourist experience.  That has been a learning experience in itself.  Mostly in that I now know our comedy tastes are more divergent than I first thought, but that where they match, they match very well indeed.

Funz and Gamez with Phil Ellis and friends and the improvised musical Baby Wants Candy had me in absolute stitches, whilst Sally instead looked rather bemused.  But that’s fine.

Following the sad passing of Robin Williams I have spent time looking up clips of his stand up and, apart from a few exceptions, I have to admit I just don’t get it.  But many of my peers and comedians who I respect very much hold him up as a seminal genius.  Not enjoying his stuff personally does not take away from the impact and importance of this man, and my ability to appreciate what he did.  Oft repeated but entirely true, comedy is indeed subjective.

Whilst certain comedy shows didn't hit home for Sally as much as for me, we did both love Kerry Godliman’s Face Time, so that was a trend bucking relief.

Being a child #2 - yes, it was mostly whiskey

We also had a wonderful archetypal Fringe experience with the short play Post-it – Notes on a Marriage, by being the only two people in the audience.  A touching play about the fragility of loving relationships, this was a unique experience.  A significant credit of course to the actors for their solid performance in these unusual circumstances, especially with taking time to shake our hands immediately after their bow.

Sore feet, shabby digs, wet clothes and endless flyering.  The Edinburgh festival can be punishing but despite all that, like the City itself, it has such a beauty and appeal that as a performer is hard to resist.

Comedians are a bizarre and rare breed.  Whether the manic energy of Robin Williams, Phil Ellis arm wrestling an 8 year old, Mary Poppins getting Ebola (thanks to the audience suggestion the night I saw Baby Wants Candy), or being willing to perform an hour of solo stand up at 1am on a bus it’s fair to say that, with a genuine reverence for the term, you don’t have to be mad to work here, but it probably does help.